After a great night with my husband and children, I settled into the thought of self-realization. I know I have the mentality to do anything I choose, (as long as it isn't immoral, illegal or unhealthy) and I have the tenacity and passion for meeting goals. I suppose you could say, I am unsure on how to put into action what I really want to do... because I want to do so much -- child/youth advocate, Crime Scene Investigator, Paralegal, CEO of my own Non-profit organization, teacher, mentor, companion, advice columnist... the list is never-ending! Where my thoughts ended was more than I had bargained for.
At 18, I thought I knew what I wanted -- I thought I wanted marriage and a family. I dropped out of high school. Two years later, to show for my actions, I had a child and a divorce under my belt. I wouldn't have changed a thing because my daughter continues to light up my life. At 21, I had life by the neck. I knew for certain that this time I truly wanted to settle down and start a family. I ended up with a psychologically abusive partner and another child (less a second divorce). Something told me not to marry him and it's a good thing I listened.
In the following year, I knew I couldn't make choices for myself because I didn't trust myself any longer. I had already screwed up twice and was sure it was over - I was following in my beloved mother's self-destructive path; bars and night, sleeping all day, and spending NO time with my two beautiful children.
Long story short, I met the man of my dreams; a true man, with love in his heart and willing to give it all to me. And I was afraid to love again. But it's amazing what God will put before you in an attempt to make you wake up. I'm no idiot... I thought long and hard before I said yes to his proposal -- and 8 years, 2 more kids, and a college education later, I sit down before the computer to put this story out there, hoping that it will encourage someone, anyone, not to settle for second best. Not to allow a partner, either male or female, to take away your right to true love and happiness.
In the attempt to discover myself, I realized that I am taking on challenges that are greater than I am. But with patience, perseverance, and determination, I can win at life. Not letting the little things get to me, and to take pride in anything I do. To acknowledge my actions and the consequences they make and to take responsibility for myself and for my family, and to grab life, once again, by the throat and hang on for one wild ride.
In closing, may this post enlighten you on who I am: that part of me I kept hidden, both from myself and the world for so long. May it open your mind and your eyes -- It's a healthy dose!
Warmest,
LaVonda
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